Arrivaderci, Italia

I was at Caitlin's apartment this afternoon because she asked me to model for a sketching she had to do for a final art project. On my way home, I became really emotional walking through the streets that have become so familiar to me because it is just now hitting me that I will be leaving this place on Friday. I will miss so much of it - even the little things, like the man who sits by his "Pane Pizza Dolce" cafe and says "bongiorno" to me every morning upon recognizing me from all the Diet Cokes I buy from him on my way to school; I will miss walking through the vendors in the market at 8 a.m. as they are setting up for their day; I will miss the lady across our courtyard in the back who opens her windows every morning, looks at her plants and puts her comforter on the terrace for air; I will miss the dog who sits on the corner of our street at all hours of the day because his owner works in a shop near us; I will miss the smell of the delicious pastries as I pass by the 20 of them on my way to school; I will miss Luca, Ana and the vendors who recognize me in the market saying "Ciao Bella" as I walk to school; I will miss the busses that honk at me because I am too close to the edge of the narrow sidewalk as they pass by; I will miss the "sei paza" (you are crazy) looks I get from the Italians when it is 60 degrees outside; I will miss having absolutely nothing to do when I get out of class; I will miss the fresh fruit, vegetables and meat from the market; I will miss hearing every single vendor tell me, "special price"; I will miss hearing "You dropped something....... my heart."; I will miss the lemon granite (ice slushies); I will miss the smell of gelato and being able to eat it three times a day; I will miss seeing the clothing lines outside of windows on top of beautiful flowers on the terraces; I will miss seeing "Via di Mezzo" as I turn onto my street; I will miss being able to hear absolutely everything an Italian says because they are so loud; I will miss having to knock my broom on the ceiling because the Italians above us are so loud; I will miss opening my apartment door and seeing the lady from below cleaning the concrete steps to our apartment and saying "Bongiorno" to us as we walk out; I will miss the smell of fish every single Sunday when I walk into my apartment building; I will miss the sound of the beautiful guitar and drum playing from the man who lives on the bottom floor; I will miss the sound of the ring of the bells on the bikes as they ring it for me to get out of their way; I will miss the boutique down the street that always has a new dress on display (usually ugly) and never has anyone in it; I will miss the amazing schiacciata bread from the market; I will miss the smell of leather as I walk through the market; I will miss being able to walk into Luca's store and have a glass of wine no matter what time of day it is; I will miss the extremely long lines and the awful smells at the Standa Supermercato; I will miss the cashier screaming "NEGATO" when my card is denied at the Standa; I will miss Nutella; I will miss my new friends Ana and Luca; I will miss all of Italy and everything about it, especially the laid-back, relaxing atmostphere.

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When I got home from Caitlin's, I had an e-mail from Margherita, our advisor, which was very overhwhelming because it is advising us about our return to the States where we will most likely experience reverse culture shock. Theresa told me that when she left, they warned her group that friends may get sick of hearing "When I was in Italy...", so I am glad I have Theresa to talk to whenever I am wishing I didn't have to come back home. She wrote it to us so that we remember that the adjustments we will be making when we return home can lead to profound personal growth and she gave us a list of advice to transform these challenges into opportunities for growth. To me, the e-mail advice was very interesting because some of the topics she brought up have already been worrying me about my return home. The opportunities she listed for us are below so that I can always look back on it when I am wishing I could be back in Italy:

1. Boredom: An Opportunity to Leave Your Comfort Zone. Once you returnto your family, friends, and old routines, you may find that the newness andstimulation that you experienced while abroad makes your old life seem dull incomparison. Try to keep your life "international" by continuing to practice theskills you learned while abroad, by continuing to push your comfort zone throughtrying new experiences in the same spirit as you did when you were abroad, and bytrying to find new ways to view the world. A few suggestions include trying newethnic restaurants or attending a holiday celebration of a group you know littleabout (e.g., Hmong New Year, Hindu Holi, Vietnamese Tet), volunteering to tutorothers in the language you learned, or subscribing to foreign language media (e.g.,newspapers, magazines, newsletters) from your host country (Italy).

2. Interest in Your Stories: Opportunity to Cultivate Sensitivity toOthers. You may find difficulties in your relationships that stem from, at leastinitially, people asking you superficial questions (e.g., So how was it?) andwanting brief answers. You may also find that both you and your friends and familyare more eager to share stories than you/they are in listening to stories. Thisleads to a build-up of frustration on both sides - for you, it may be frustratingbecause you feel as if you do not have opportunities to fully express your feelingsand share your reflections of your experiences. For your friends and familymembers, it may be frustrating because they may perceive you as not being interestedin the events and changes that happened in their lives while you were away. To confront this challenge, it is most helpful to do things that help youto re-establish your relationships. Listening to and showing interest inthe things that others have been doing will go a long way. Additionally,it may be helpful to think of some answers to some predictable questions(e.g., What did you like most about your study abroad experience? So howwas it?), so that you can express yourself more fully. You may also wantto keep in mind that you may be more interested in sharing your storiesfrom your experiences abroad than people are interested in hearing them. It may be helpful to determine who is really interested in hearing aboutyour experiences. Wait for others to ask you questions, and initially tryto be brief in your answers. If they are interested in hearing more aboutthem, they will engage you in conversations. You may also find it beneficial to find other outlets for sharing yourstudy abroad experiences. You may consider volunteering in your program'sorientation for students who will be coming to Italy or seeking out otherstudents who have just returned from studying abroad, especially thosestudents who have just returned from Italy, and international students. You may also consider writing about some important aspect of your studyabroad experience and submitting it to your school's newspaper or for yourlocal newspaper's Travel or Personal Opinion sections. You may also wantto volunteer for an organization (e.g., Youth for Understanding) thatpromotes international or intercultural exchanges for high school students.

3. Understanding and Explaining Your Experiences: Give it Time. It maybe frustrating for you to explain all of your feelings and experiences in a coherentway. Give yourself time to relax and reflect upon your study abroad experiences andupon what is going on around you and how you are reacting to it. Although mostreturnees report gaining major insights into themselves and their home countriesduring re-entry, they are only able to do this after they have had some time toreflect upon their experiences.

4.Reverse Homesickness: It's a Natural and Expected Reaction. Just asyou may have experienced feelings of loss upon your arrival in Italy (your hostcountry), you may experience these same feelings of loss, which sometimes can resultin mood swings, when you return home. It is important to keep in mind that thesefeelings are a natural and expected reaction to returning from your study abroadexperience. Although keeping in contact with your new friends may help to decreasethese feelings of loss, it is important to know that these feelings are part of theprocess and to accept them instead of pushing them away. Answering this questionmay be helpful: My re-entry experience may be enhanced if ____________________.

5. Changed Relationships: Opportunity to Find a New Rhythm. As a resultof your experiences abroad, and as a result of the experiences that your friends andfamily have had while you've been away, it is likely that both you, your friends,and family have all changed. Flexibility will be key to finding a new rhythm inthese relationships. Trying to fit totally into old patterns and social networkscan be difficult, but remaining aloof will increase feelings of alienation and iscounterproductive. It may be helpful to strike a balance between resuming earlierpatterns with enhancing your social and intellectual life with new friends andinterests. Additionally, as with any life changes, try to maintain a balancebetween sharing the ways in which you have changed and listening and observing theways in which your friends and family have changed. Answering this question mayhelp you to articulate some of the ways in which you have changed:a. I know that I have changed as a result of my experiences because______________________. b. One thing that I have learned about myself is _________________.c. Five important skills (e.g., learning to empathize with others, morecuriosity about new ideas, learning to become a better communicator by listeningmore intently, focusing more on nonverbal cues, speaking clearly) that I developedwhile abroad include _______________.

6. Misunderstandings: Opportunity for Clarification and to AppreciateYour Growth. Some people may expect you to be the same person when you return aswhen you left, and they may treat you that way. Others may recognized that you havegrown as a person and feel threatened or upset by differences in your behavior orideas. To minimize possible misunderstandings and misinterpretations, it may behelpful to pay attention to how your words and actions may be perceived by others. It may also be helpful to identify and appreciate the ways in which you have grownthrough your study abroad experiences and to remind yourself of these ways. Answering the following questions may help you identify and articulate any areas ofmisunderstandings: a. My friends and family seem to understand _________, but they don't seem tounderstand__________.b. I wish I could explain to my family and friends that _________________.

7. Feelings of Alienation: Opportunity for Finding Connection and Balance. Sometimes, once you are home, the mental images you had do not correspond with thereality of being there again. While abroad, people can romanticize their homeculture and minimize the issues and problems that were sources of daily stress athome. Once at home, you might feel disconcerted about experiencing these issues orproblems. You also may find yourself being critical, resulting in feelings ofalienation from your home culture. Although these are also natural reactions tore-entering your home country, try to remember that all cultures have positive andnegative aspects. Rather than criticizing many different aspects of your homeculture or gushing with praise for your host culture (Italy), it may be helpful toattempt to strike this balance between positive and negative aspects of bothcultures. Such a balance will probably be less threatening to others and willprobably help you to have a more accurate view of both cultures. To achieve thisbalance, you may find answering these questions helpful: a. The 5 things (e.g., places, people, activities) I missed about my homeculture the most while abroad were: _____________________________.b. The 5 things I missed least about my home culture while abroad were:__________________________.c. The 5 things I appreciated most about my host culture (Italy) were__________________________.d. The 5 things I appreciated least about my host culture (Italy) were__________________________.

8. Difficulties Applying New Knowledge and Skills: Opportunities for Using WhatYou Know. Many people find upon their return that it can be difficult to apply allthe knowledge and skills learned while abroad. It may be helpful to identify manyof the things (e.g., exercise, finding something familiar or comforting, developinga routine) you did to help you to adjust to living abroad, so you can use these samethings to help you adjust to your "new" life back home. Additionally, it may behelpful to use your creativity to find outlets for you to express your newlydeveloped skills (see numbers 1 and 2 for suggestions).

9. Fear of Losing Study Abroad Experiences: Opportunity to Find Ways to Connectand Use These Experiences. Many people worry about losing the experiences theycreated while abroad. To address this challenge, it may be beneficial to maintaincontact with people who have had experiences similar to yours, such as Peace Corpsvolunteers, international development staff, exchange students, diplomatic ormilitary personnel, chuch mission officials, and those involved in internationalbusiness. Additionally, it may be helpful to find ways of remembering and honoringthe hard work and fun you had while abroad. Some suggestions include recording(through photos or writing in a journal) important aspects of your daily life, suchas your address, favorite vendors, local markets, clubs, pubs, restaurants,classmates, neighbors, etc.

To answer the questions on number 9:
My address is Via di Mezzo, 12. We are down the street from one of the prettiest churches I have walked into in Italy. We are also down the street from the Standa Supermercato, a pasticceria which smells amazing everyday and another restaurant that is only open like two hours a day. Rex Bar is also down the street from us, which has very yummy drinks. My favorite vendors are of course Luca and Ana and their leather factory and their family. I also love the vendor who sells beautiful jewelry made out of Murano glass - I bought several souvenirs there for friends. At the San Lorenzo market, my favorite vendor is the lady who sells us the Schiacciata bread and the butcher who sells us our meat - he looks just like UJ and reminds Patee and me of him so much. My favorite clubs and bars are Red Garter (but that gets old because of all the Americans), Space, Twice, Rex, 21, Art Bar and so many more. Of course Dante's Pizzeria is one of my favorite restaurants because of the free wine and cheap food Hanni provides us with. Damo Ganzo is also because of Marco, Massimo and Maestro and they are so nice to us. And of course there is gelateria - my favorite is Grom, which is famous here in Florence. I love the Crem di Grom flavor and limone. Lately I have grown out of the tiramisu gelato phase and am starting to love the limone flavors.

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While Caitlin was drawing me today, we watched Under the Tuscan Sun, which I had not seen yet, but have read. It was so awesome to be able to understand the Italian phrases and to be able to recognizes some of the sites in the movie. It also felt so amazing to be able to understand where the main character, Francis, was coming from when she was describing her love for Italy, specifically Tuscany. It almost made me cry because of how well I can understand her feelings in the movie!

As I walked through the market today, I stopped to look at all of the cooking supplies that Grandma would have loved. I wish she still cooked her amazing Italian dishes, but if she did, I would have bought way too much stuff here for her! It made me get tears in my eyes thinking about her cooking and how much I see her in the Italians here. I am so glad that I got to temporarily live here - not only for my mere experience, but for Grandma and Grandpa. I know how much they take pride in this country and their culture, and now I truly understand it all and why they always tell us to go to Italy, and I know that Grandpa is watching me and is proud that I am here. I just wish he was here so I could personally tell him all about my experience. I can see why they took so much pride in this place - it is so amazing here! I hope to one day be the Italian Grandma that Grandma has always been to me. I hope I keep my cooking routine when I return to the States so that I can always have a piece and memory of Grandma with me - I just wish I could have learned from her. I can't wait to tell her that I made homemade meatballs the other day for the first time - after all those years she paid me $1 to eat one of her meatballs, I am now making them, eating them and loving them!

Now that I have let that out of my system, I must get back to studying for exams and writing my literature paper. I hate having to do all of that on top of packing and saying our goodbyes. I plan to go to Ana and Luca's store on Thursday after my last exam and popping open some bottles of champagne with them. I don't even want to think about how emotional I am going to be when saying bye to them and when I have to walk through these streets for the last time on Friday.

I just really hope I get to come back here someday... Florence, Italy, has become my second home forever. Arrivaderci, Italia.